It was literally love at first sight. Something I never believed in. At our second meeting, I saw a picture of Doug and his daughter in his office and said to myself, if this guy is not married, then maybe there is hope for me.
Hope, because we all need love. We need a partner, a soulmate, to fully experience life together. To weather the highs and lows of life.
This isn’t to say that our life together has always been easy… On the contrary, we have overcome a lot of challenges…or if you know me, I like to say, “healing opportunities”!
Together we are raising 4 beautiful children. They are all adults now, but believe me, we are still “raising” these beautiful men and women together. It fills my heart with joy every time my oldest son calls Doug for an ear on what is going on in his life. I am also proud to say that I have had a positive impact on his daughter as well.
None of our 4 children were happy about our union. Doug’s daughter was an only child. She had had her father all to herself, and I was definitely, “The other woman”. Not to mention my bringing in three very stubborn children to the marriage. In fact, Stephanie and my youngest daughter, Margo, bonded (like the twins in the movie Parent Trap). Margo said to Stephanie, “I don’t like your father.” Stephanie said, “That’s OK, I don’t like your Mother either.” So began the mischievousness to break us apart.
We dated for over 3 years before marrying. I kept saying, “Why ruin a perfect relationship by getting married?” We had both tried and failed and Doug had moved from Washington, DC to Northern California to chase a new venture. We flew my daughters and I to San Francisco for a weekend visit and my daughters were determined NOT to have a good time, NOT to like California, and certainly NOT to like Doug. I was in tears on the plane home.
Another weekend flight to see him and Margo got ill, and I immediately turned around and flew another 6 hours home. It seemed like being together might not be in the cards.
I remember when I decided I wanted to be married to Doug. We were in the kitchen of the home we now live in. It was his parents’ home and his mother, after a couple of glasses of wine, said to me, “Don’t you want to marry my son?” I looked at her, burst into tears and said, “yes!” She immediately left the kitchen and I heard her say, “Douglas!” What’s the matter with you?!”
Once married, Doug and I both marveled at how easy moving in together was. Wow! This is what it is supposed to feel like?! To quote Forrest Gump, “We fit together like peas and carrots.”
Don’t get me wrong, that didn’t mean our children were thrilled. We had 3 teenagers and a budding preteen. They tested us BIG TIME! Starting with my first out-of-town business trip when Margo tried to sneak a really no-good guy into our basement. When I stood united with Doug for kicking him out, she decided to go live with her father and stepmother. Harvey, stepped up to the plate and the 4 parents were united in deciding how to remain consistent with Margo during her 3 weeks with her Dad. She was tortured with discipline, including taking her phone away and (Heaven forbid) having to ride the bus to school!
I could continue to give you even juicier examples of each child’s “healing opportunities” in our marriage and even admit to my own fears for its survival at times, but for brevity’s sake…
Miraculously, each healing opportunity has brought us closer together.
Life’s challenges are indeed healing opportunities.
Now Doug, my husband, my best friend, my lover, and my soulmate is fighting for his life. On July 1st, merely walking up the stairs in our beautiful home in Northern Virginia, his femur shattered. The femur is the biggest bone in the body, and it is riddled with a blood cancer affecting the bone. The 5 CT scans in the hospital showed lesions throughout the body. Prior to this, Doug had been playing hockey 2 and sometimes 3 times a week and golf. My strong, handsome husband was walking our German shepherd puppy, throwing Frisbees, cooking dinners, and living the good life.
The past 7 months have brought many more challenges for us as we make big decisions about our future. When your runway suddenly gets shorter, you get super focused on what is important. We are focused on gratitude. We had some seemingly miraculous recovery early on with an integrative approach and then what feels like a sudden relapse. The past few weeks have been rough with a trip to the Emergency Room and long days and short nights in the hospital getting chemotherapy, radiation and immunotherapy. We are devoting all of our time and resources to healing and believe that he is turning the corner and finally on the road to remission.
We also strongly believe in the power of love and prayer.
In July, I called a dear mentor, Dr. Jim Roach (aka America’s Healer) for advice. He told me I needed to stay spiritually grounded. He said that big souls take on big challenges. Doug is definitely a big soul and has taken on big challenges!
One thing I know for sure is that we need to move from fear to faith. Faith in the body’s ability to heal and repair. Faith that love heals all wounds. Faith that prayer, intention, meaning and purpose matter.
Doug has shared with me that this is not his time. He has unfinished business here. He has meaning and purpose and the top of the list is to be a role model to our children, our nephews, nieces, and grandchildren. He said that this was an opportunity to get into the best shape of his life. This is why we sold everything and moved to Florida to bask in the sunlight, be closer to his mother and brothers, and where we have found some amazing resources.
You’ve heard me say and write how the body follows the mind. Doug is the most optimistic guy I have ever met.
His tagline for his business email is a quote from Steve Jobs, “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”
Thank God for his mindset. He has certainly changed my world and our children’s world for the better. He changed my twin sister’s world and my nephew’s world when they lost their spouse and father to cancer. He has changed friends worlds and built the most successful men’s adult hockey league in the Washington, DC area.
My daughter Dana, a cancer survivor and now thriver, lost her husband to cancer and created the Book of Stories to celebrate his life. This is a gift that you can give to those who you love now, when they are alive, when it is most important.
Similarly, for Doug’s 70th birthday party, I asked friends to send a video of Doug as I feel like it is so important to feel the love of family and friendship. This is vital to healing.
I am asking for Book of Stories, not because I believe Doug is going to die now; I don’t! I agree with him, he is not ready. I want him to know and feel how deeply he has touched others. That his life matters.
This Valentine’s Day, I want to celebrate my husband, my confidant, my soulmate.
My wish for you is love. Foremost, self-love, so that you have the energy and strength and confidence so that you can be the change that you want to see in the world.
Carpe Diem,
We only have this day and this moment to live life to its fullest.
With Love & Gratitude,
Lisa.
