Turning Chaos to Clarity…How to have the most passionate love affair…Happy Valentines Day!
February 14, 2017
Lisa Jackson
#happyValentinesDay|#HVD|
It’s funny how chaos can lead to clarity. Last summer I found myself feeling restless, bored and dissatisfied. Feeling in crisis. My body hurt, my hypertension was returning. I was stuck in the mantra, “What’s wrong with me?!”
I started looking outside of myself. I felt anger, apathy (even worse), and dissatisfaction with my husband.
You see our relationships are often a mirror of ourselves. How we engage in our relationships, and the “trigger points” that relationships can stimulate, are often hidden gifts. Our reactions to others are mirrors reflecting our own perceptions. A reflection of what is going on inside of us. Often, things that we don’t want to look at, or acknowledge.
I was getting treated for pain. I was trying to find the root cause. What could I blame for this misery; for this dis-ease? What’s the easiest thing to blame? Of course it’s your most intimate relationship. My husband, the scapegoat, it must be him. He doesn’t see me. He doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t get me.
I’m discovering how this is common amongst us truth seekers. Sometimes when we go on this journey of self-discovery and we are immersed in learning all of this stuff. We get frustrated when we can’t share this with our partner. Why isn’t our partner passionate about yoga, or functional medicine, or improving the diet? Why isn’t he as excited about my new inner wisdom as I am? Why isn’t he willing to engage in our new healthier lifestyle?
I think deep down we all want a soul mate. We want somebody who we can have a deep inner connection with. But we don’t always grow at the same time. Sometimes we get so busy with our own responsibilities at work, or with our own projects, that we can feel like we are living separate lives.
I didn’t feel seen, valued or heard. I didn’t feel like my needs were being met. I wasn’t getting the validation that I wanted.
So what did I do to remedy this? There were many things I could have done. (This is when people can make really stupid mistakes.)
I did something that felt so selfish. One of my trigger points with my husband, that makes me angry, is that he can seem so selfish. A lot of men seem to give themselves permission to do what they want, when they want, without asking for permission. Women, on the other hand are raised to be self-sacrificing. We are encouraged to yield to others, to ask permission, to play well in the sandbox and to take care of everybody else first; often at the expense of self.
So when I started to feel lost, lonely, dissatisfied and bored. I decided to go inward. I dug inside. What did I need to do to fill my bucket? What is it that I truly wanted? What did I need for me?
I did something that I had talked about (and had been asking for help) for the last several years. I cleared out some 50 years of junk from my basement that was taking up an enormous amount of space. I created my own space…for me. I desperately needed my own space to dance, emote and create. This was the most selfish act, I’ve ever done. I spent a lot of money. Money I felt that I couldn’t really afford, to make a big beautiful space. I kept saying to myself, “Use it or lose it.” My husband kept saying when are you going to offer classes? How will you earn this money back? I said, “I built this studio for me. I need my own space and time first. I need to prioritize me.”
None of this was my forte. At one point, in tears, I asked my twin sister for her help. When I told her I wanted to paint the walls purple, she replied, “I hate purple. If you want me to come do yoga with you, then don’t paint it purple.” I said, “So you’re telling me you won’t work with purple people? You will only work with yellow people?” I risked losing her approval. Silly as it sounds, this was actually incredibly hard for me to do. I painted two walls purple and I love it.
After my Son-In-Law’s passing, and an extremely stressful few weeks, I came home to my little studio where I danced and cried my heart out. It was worth every penny spent. Then I wrote the blog, I’m So Grateful. Clarity and my best writing comes after clearing my head. Inspiration comes after my moving meditations, yoga, and yoga dance practice.
This morning’s yoga class was about accepting and integrating all parts of us. The practice was on slowing down to recognize each breath and each movement, no matter how big or small. Learning to love both the challenge and the journey. Practicing compassion and unconditional love within each of us.Today, I feel a newfound love and appreciation for my husband.
Love is when all parts of you, the big and the small feel seen, heard and valued. Isn’t that what we all want? To be loved and appreciated for whom we truly are, inside and out? Unconditionally.
So how do we have the wildest, most loving relationship with another? We first, have to find that within ourselves. We have to rediscover all the parts of us. This includes the big and the small and the hurt little child within. It includes the angry child, the pent up and frustrated child; to rediscover how to love and accept her for who she is. Love the child in all of us, unconditionally. Then we can extend that love out and truly appreciate the love that we receive from others. We appreciate both the big and the small gestures.
Last week I was able to spend a lot of time with my grandson. I was able to witness the shear delight felt from just playing with his fingers and toes and exploring his mobility. Children are truly present where every moment is a joyful new experience. To focus on being present is a simple solution towards finding more joy and peace.
We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. This is within our power. Take personal responsibility for your feelings, your health and your happiness. Pay attention to your thoughts and your actions. Self-loving thoughts spur loving actions and reactions.
Go inward, find simple pleasures, and give yourself unconditional love and compassion. This will make all the difference, in all relationships in your life.
Carpe Diem and Happy Valentines Day!
With Love & Gratitude,
Lisa
About Lisa Jackson, RN, CHC, RYT-500, FDN
Lisa is an author, inspirational speaker and coach with a mission to inspire others to feel and look their best at any age.
Lisa’s book, Savvy Secrets: Eat, Think and Thrive outlines her seven step process towards optimal health that is fun and transformational.
Lisa is part of the New Self Health Movement and the Wellness Inspired Network. When she is not coaching, speaking or writing, you can find her practicing yoga and joyfully sharing Carpe Diem Dance.