One of my coaches and mentors gave me this card. I obviously believe in the power of coaching and self-improvement and believe that healthy individuals create healthy relationships, families, and communities.

You may ask yourself, what does fear have to do with Valentine’s Day? 

The longer you are in a relationship the more likely there will be some misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings can easily lead to hurt feelings.

Hurt, buried feelings, can fester and grow, just like any unresolved wound.

Learning to communicate openly and honestly takes courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is feeling fear and taking the right action anyway.

Unaddressed Fear can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we focus on is what we get. If you fear infidelity for example, instead focus on increasing communication and connection.

Selective vulnerability is a strength. Being vulnerable with a spouse is an important form of intimacy. When we fear we are not good enough, we may fear being open and honest about our feelings, particularly if we are hurt or disappointed.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. We may be so far apart in our assumptions that it feels like we are from two different planets.  Women may see their man as being this macho strong being and forget how threatened they may feel with intimacy and vulnerability.

Women may also be afraid to verbalize their feelings in a way that can be heard by their lover. Believe me, I used to be the master of holding in hurt feelings, only to unleash them in tears and anger at the worst possible time. A sure way not to be heard. Or too often we stuff them, become numb, and risk eventually not caring anymore. 

We all crave being seen, valued, and heard.

So how do we overcome this chasm?

Last week, I spent two hours in a mentorship group with this couple that are offering a workshop focused on Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Connection.  It was entertaining and educational hearing about the research execution practiced by this entrepreneurial power couple. 

Just bringing up this workshop could create hidden fears. When I told my husband about the workshop and suggested we take this, he responded, “The first thing I think of is that you are not happy with our relationship.” Bingo! Case in point! I had to laugh, the opposite is true. I’m very happy with our relationship, and as a coach am focused on keeping it that way. The course may also help me help others too.

I recommend this workshop no matter where you are in your relationship. The first part is to set goals for yourself and your relationship (or the relationship that you wish to have if you are alone, or in an unsatisfactory relationship).

Even if you are divorced or contemplating divorce, if you have children you will always be connected. Having concrete tools to navigate this would be extremely useful for the whole family.

I’ve written several other blog posts on the Dreaded Drama Triangle versus The Empowerment Dynamic.  This course is a roadmap for empowering you and your relationship.

Most of all loving yourself first is a prerequisite for having a wildly successful relationship. Being true to who you are and what your soul desires is essential for your health and wellbeing. Those who are open to coaching, mentorships, and self-improvement are typically happier and more successful in all areas of life.

Here’s to finding the love of your life, starting with you. 

Happy Valentines Day with Love,

Lisa Jackson