Last night at 6 pm I was just finishing work and client calls when my husband walks into my office with a tuxedo on! We had no special New Years’ plans. No parties, no dinner dates planned. I immediately jumped off the phone to go upstairs to shower. 

Far too often we get dressed up for others. We put effort into presenting ourselves to people we may not even know. We forget to nourish and nurture the relationship right in front of us. It’s so easy to get stagnant in marriage and to take each other for granted. Here’s a few things I’ve learned through trials and error.

Crisis creates an opportunity for change and growth. 2020 was a year of crisis and opportunity.  Stress is not determined by what happens to us as much as how we choose to react or respond to the perceived stress. 

Doug and I have weathered much heartache together. We are a blended family where 4 children resisted our union. We’ve survived decades of ups and downs co-parenting (which does not end when children turn 18).

It’s only through relationship that we know and discover ourselves. We are attracted to those that teach us the lessons we need for our own growth and development. If we fail to learn the lesson, we get to repeat the lesson with someone else, until we get it right. 

The biggest lesson of all?
Forgiveness. 
For ourselves and our imperfections,
and forgiving others.
Only through love can we learn this. 

It takes courage to be vulnerable and authentic with another.

To not fall apart when things get rough.

To be open to listening and loving and respecting each other, even during times when our belief systems may feel like polar opposites. 

Nature and quantum physics have taught us that the further apart something seems, the closer to each other they become.

Doug and I have always cancelled each others political vote. 4 years ago my daughters cried at me that they couldn’t understand how I could live with a man who voted differently. We’ve so demonized politicians and political parties to the point that we’ve lost our humanness. We’ve lost the fact that we all come from common ground. We forget that we all want similar things.  We forget that we love one another.

I’ve written before about the Dreaded Drama Triangle that keeps us divided and stuck.

This is common in politics. The Persecutor creates the problem and then becomes the Rescuer. This is how wars are propagated. This keeps us divided. This is can lead to family destruction and divorce. This does not create a new reality.

Relationships provide our greatest opportunity for growth. We can react out of fear or respond out of love. In fact, every interaction in life gives us this opportunity. 

Too often we hide pieces of ourselves in the false fear that we are unloved or unloveable. We stuff feelings and emotions. We cower away from tough discussions like finances, or how to raise and discipline children. Most often we hide our hurt, fear of abandonment, and/ or disappointed feelings. Instead, we choose to numb our self with our addiction to work, alcohol, sugar, social media, or the need to rescue others. 

We forget the reality that success comes via failure. Our perceived failures teach us how to succeed. 

Do you really want to grow as a person and a couple together?

Then throw in near bankruptcy, start and fail together in business, or raise four deviant children together. Do or die.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Believe me, it can be amazing to go through a pandemic with someone you love, even if it’s intermingled with fear, disappointment, tears and angry moments.  Remember the Crosby, Stills, Nash song, Love the one you’re with!

What we focus on is what we create. This is how we turn around the upside-down Dreaded Drama Triangle and create the life of your dreams.

Use the exercise below to assess areas in your life you would like to improve. Measure your current satisfaction in key areas of your life and then draw a line to each one and see how round and smooth your wheel (life) rolls. Use this tool to prioritize areas you may want to focus on as you created what you will experience in 2021.

Place a dot on the line in each category to indicate how satisfied you are with that area.  The closer you are to the center, the less satisfied you are.

Connect the dots to see your Circle of Life. Ideally the lines will be toward the edge and equally round.

Identify imbalances and determine where to spend more time and energy to create harmony in your life.

Here’s my wish for you for 2021

Choose Love. Start with self love.

Choose courage, authenticity, and integrity.

Dare to know and speak your truth.

Take time in solitude to decide what it is you really really want and then have the courage to ask for it.

Then, do the work.

If you are ready to commit to change and you want to create a healthier relationship with yourself in 2021, then join us for our KickStart to Wellness Program.

Learn more- Click here

With Love & Gratitude,

Lisa Jackson