Last week I talked about my expectations for our family vacation. 

To unplug and communicate with each other; to dedicate time and commit to each other the most precious gift possible, our presence.

How rare and difficult is this in our modern society? Even toddlers are kept entertained and plugged into iPads, iPhones, the new babysitter, so Mom & Dad can have some “peace.”  Television, movies, cartoons and commercials are the mainstay sitters. No wonder we become brainwashed and develop unrealistic expectations that create insecurities and feed automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) in our heads.

Having expectations keeps us in the future and interferes with our staying present.  My expectation was that we would all “go with the flow.” Just getting to our ranch vacation had a few surprise challenges. The 4am taxi was 20 minutes late so we were not able to check bags and we missed our flight…and then the next flight… before getting rebooked on a different airplane; which off course caused the checked bags to be lost for a couple of days with airlines’ finger pointing.  My son-in-law’s comment was, “it’s a good thing I was on another flight.” I laughed and said, “Maybe you married into this family to learn to “go with the flow.” (I can be a little challenging at times…)

As life grants us, I was the one given the opportunity to learn how to “go with the flow.” The expectation set before our trip, was that some would need to work and stay plugged in during the day and connect at night. Our cabin that slept 8-10 was only 2 bedrooms with a loft, sofa and loveseat. I accidentally gave up the bigger cabin when I said we needed Wi-Fi. The cabin felt small and hot for 8 adults and my sister and teenage nephews had not yet arrived.  On our first morning hike we discovered the larger cabin, nestled on a hill between beautiful vistas and views, surrounded by bison, wild horses, donkeys and chickens. Beautiful breezes sunrises and sunsets. Most of us wanted to jump at the move. The grass seemed greener in this pasture.

Drawback, we had no Wi-Fi and only one bedroom, an icebox instead of the modern fridge, and completely off the grid. Only one car (the infamous minivan) could get to the mile hike between cabins. My daughter brought her own Wi-Fi, so we tested it and declared this could work for everyone. After we decided and were granted our move, my pregnant daughter said it would be uncomfortable sleeping together in one big room and some were still worried about giving up the known Wi-Fi. We then discovered that the sink leaked, the toilet didn’t work well off the grid, and I felt more resistance from everyone to “go with the flow.” 

So nerves shot from our death ride (see previous post), I was the chosen one to lose it, yelling at my poor pregnant daughter. I wanted everyone to stop complaining and to feel grateful for what we did have. 

My son-in-law helped me realize that I was the one who needed to let go and go with the flow. I needed to recognize that my demanding things to be a certain way, only met with resistance. Instead of letting everyone voice his or her opinion, I wanted nothing but Kumbaya, peace and gratitude. I took it personally. I was married to the outcome as if I could single-handedly control anything. 

We all have free will, at every moment, we have a choice to how we choose to view situations and how we choose to react or respond.  We can react out of fear or respond with love. The loving way is to recognize others fears and expectations with empathy and to let go of the need to control the outcome. 

We started calling this luxury camping; exactly what it was, roof over head, running water, gas grill and fire pit. What more could we ask for? Greeted in the morning with wild horses at the railing.  Here I was in heaven, and yet I had let my impatience create a momentary hell when I sent my daughter to the other cabin in tears.  I needed to heed Cowboy Bronse’s sign:

My son in law said it best over the campfire when asked, “What’s the best and worst thing about being a twin?” He responded, “Why would we choose to focus on the negative when there is an abundance of good at being a twin? Besides, that’s all I’ve ever known.”

Makes sense to me, especially during times we feel like we have no choice. Truth is, we always have a choice to how we think, and consequently feel, about every minute in every day. In this sense, our thoughts create our own version of reality. 

Can you think of a time when your thoughts made your situation worse?  Can you now think about how reframing the situation might have changed the experience? Have you had a Griswold vacation? What’s the funniest and best lesson learned?

Turns out when I asked everyone to describe the vacation, the response was all positive! Words like, Fun, Immersion, Bonding, Unique, Togetherness, Authentic, Different, Memorable… 

I’m very grateful that my family was able and willing to come together, to be accommodating to all of our needs; that we were able to relax, have fun and truly enjoy each other’s company. We love, care for, and respect each other despite our humanness, despite our past mistakes, harsh words or actions. Coming together in nature is an excellent way to appreciate how we are all connected to each other and to other animals and plants on this planet.

My last expectation was to go horseback riding and although that did not fit into the schedule, I was able to mount bareback one of the wild horses that Bronse was told, “No one will ever be able to ride this wild thing.”  He tried to kick a few times, but I again put my fear aside, grabbed his mane and found my seat.  Heart racing, I felt pure joy as I was encouraged and supported by my loving family.  

Thank you for your presence in my life and for all the loving lessons that bring me back to honoring our unity.