What Matters Most to You?

April 17, 2023

Lisa Jackson

Lifestyle

Last week I wrote about change. This week I’d like to share a few thoughts about motivation. One of the toughest things I often ask is, “What is it you really really want?”
Are you too busy taking care of everything else to answer this question? Is your time filled up with responsibilities required of your job and or your family? Or is your time filled up with addictive thoughts or behavior that may no longer serve you? Are you too busy caring for others to care for yourself?

Here are a few strategies that may help with being more mindful about leading a meaningful life for you.

I sometimes ask clients to write their obituaries. Not to be morbid, not because they may have a poor prognosis. Let’s face it, none of us are getting out of here alive. The quality of our life and how we spend our time matters. It not only matters to you, but it matters to those who love you and who you care about.
Take a few moments to think and write about what you would like your family, friends, and colleagues to say about you at your celebration of life party. Would they say those things about you NOW? What would you like to leave behind?
I did this a few years ago and found it very sobering. As a competitive, sometimes overachieving, people pleaser who wants to do it all, I realized how some of my relationships, (beginning with myself), were suffering.
According to Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks Time Management for Mortals, we only have on average….four thousand weeks!
Yikes! More reason to start backwards with the end goal in sight. What kind of person do you want to become? What do you want to be known for? What do you want your friends and family to say about you? Will you become that role model?
After considering your Celebration of Life mementos, write down your bucket list of goals. What would you like to accomplish before you pass on? I’ve suggested that the more goals, the richer the life. Now I would like to amend this. Focus on one to three goals and forget the rest. Then celebrate the heck out of the journey and each small accomplishment. What you focus on is what you get. When you’ve mastered or accomplished the top three, only then go down the list.
Oliver Burkeman writes about FOMO, the Fear OF Missing Out, which keeps us over scheduled and over functioning. Instead, he suggests practicing JOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out. If time is finite, you must say No to some things to say YES to others. You may need to say NO to others to say YES to yourself.
It is important to get out of the rut of thinking, “I will be happy when….” The truth is, when you are happy now, you are much more likely to meet your goals.
My mantra used to be, “There is never enough time.” Dr. Depak Chopra says this thought is the fastest way to a heart attack. Now, instead, I take a deep breath and feel grateful for being alive. I reframe this to think about what it is that is really, really important. I practice saying, “There is enough time. I am enough.”
Ultimately, I have come to realize that we are more powerful than we’ve been led to believe. How you speak to yourself matters. Your thoughts matter. Your thoughts create either a healing energy internally or increase stress and dis-ease. This week become conscious of the inner critic within you. Choose to reframe what no longer serves you. Practice speaking to yourself as you would a loved one.
I would love to hear from you now.
Here are a few questions I ask clients:
· What is your biggest challenge or goal?
· What have you tried that has, or has not worked, to address this challenge?
· How will you feel when you have overcome this challenge and reached this goal?
· Can you feel this way NOW?
How will you seize the day?